On Vulnerability - April’s Monthly Update
Vulnerability: “willingness to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known”. Here’s why I’m feeling vulnerable this month.
I chose vulnerability as the title for this post because one of the definitions of the word fits exactly with how I’m feeling right now: “willingness to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known”.
I’m a perfectionist …
I want everything I do to be the best it can possibly be - which makes it ironic that I chose to become a writer.
A writer’s book is only ever the best it can be at that particular moment - it’s never the best it can possibly be. I think many writers will attest to this. Whenever I’m faced with having to listen to someone read a sentence or a piece from one of my books in an interview, or whenever I have to go back through one of my novels for some reason, I always find things that I would change. Usually words or sentences I would delete. Things I thought were essential but that now, with time and distance, seem superfluous or too much or cluttered.
I try to revisit my books as little as possible once they’re published so that I can’t be faced with these slightly imperfect sentences. Which isn’t to say I’m not proud of my books when they’re finished. I am. I love them - their stories and their characters. But I could forever after tinker with the execution of those stories and characters, which is why publishers have deadlines - so they can wrest the stories out of their authors’ hands because otherwise we might never let them go.
The republication of my very first book
So why am I talking about this now? Because I’m about to be faced with something I’m both thrilled about and terrified of in equal measure. The re-publication of my very first book.
Back in the early 2000s, I wrote a book called What is Left Over After, which won an award and was published by the wonderful people at Fremantle Press. It was the most exciting moment of my life and I was so very proud of that little book that had taken 5 years and 3 babies to bring into existence. You can read more about that process in the post below. (Well, not the process of having three babies - I think we all know how that works!)
I haven’t looked at that book since 2010. I’ve written 8 more books over the years and I think I’m now a better writer. Like anything, if you do it every day for years, you get better at it. So of course my perfectionist self thinks about the re-publication of something I wrote when I was very first starting out and says, oh no. Everyone will hate it. I wasn’t a good writer back then.
My rational self tries to exert itself and say, of course you were. You were good enough to be published. But rational selves are easy to ignore!
Hidden sparks of future works
And then I think about how much I enjoy reading the very first book written by authors I admire. It’s such a privilege to see where someone began. To discover perhaps a more raw kind of talent. To find sparks of future works hiding in sentences in this early story. To see how somebody wrote when there were no pressures or deadlines or expectations of readerships. To be let into the secret of this writer’s apprenticeship. To appreciate the flaws, and also the potential that is slowly unravelled through each and every book into the future.
So as my very first book finds its way back out into the world, I hope that my readers enjoy and appreciate those things too. I hope they find as much to reflect upon in the vulnerability contained in the pages as in the story itself.
And to those who’ve been with me since that very first book, since the time when I went to speak at events and sometimes only 5 or 6 people would turn up - thank you. Your faith and presence and support is why I’m here today.
More about What is Left Over After
The first thing to know about this book is that it’s not historical! That’s right - I started out writing contemporary fiction. It’s set in Sydney, London, France and a little place in Western Australia called Siesta Park, which is where I’m building a beach house right now! How circular everything is!
It is definitely a bit grittier than my historicals so please take that into account too!
Here’s the official blurb:
Gaelle has a dream job working for a fashion magazine, and a husband who loves her. Life should be perfect, but life does not always go according to plan. Feeling lost and alone, Gaelle flees to a tiny seaside town on the other side of the country. As she revisits the legacy of a strange, sometimes magical childhood in France, Gaelle finds unexpected help from a thirteen-year-old stranger.
As if she was experiencing her childhood all over again, she must ask: when you lose everything you love, what is left over after?
You can buy the book now from Dymocks, Booktopia, and all good bookshops.
And yes, The Age newspaper really did say those things about me in one of the very first reviews of the book. To say I was elated to be called a remarkable Australian talent is an understatement! So maybe there’s something not too bad about the book after all!
What I’m Up To Right Now
I’ve just been away on vacation in Queensland snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef and it was magnificent, as you can see in the photos! I feel restored, inspired, and ready to start working more seriously on the lead up to the publication of The Disappearance of Astrid Bricard. (October 2023 release in Australia and Jan 2024 release for North America).
I’m also ready to start work on a new draft of the next book after Astrid Bricard. I did a lot of good outlining of the new draft before the school holidays so I feel like I’m in a good place to take this new draft to the next level.
We’ve been very busy behind the scenes working on covers for Astrid Bricard and while I don’t have anything to show you yet, we’re getting closer! And don’t forget that in next week’s First Friday Thread for paid subscribers, I’ll be showing you some cover rejects from my books over the last few years which is going to be super fun!
Catch me on the Substack run by my friend
, where I'm talking about everything from plotting to fashion illustration to swearing in American versus swearing in Australian!
Preorder Offer For North American Readers
I know lots of you in North America have been waiting for the paperback release of The Three Lives of Alix St Pierre so I’m delighted to show you the gorgeous new cover for this edition and to tell you it will be available from October 17. And, right now, Barnes & Noble have a fabulous preorder offer running – you can get 25% off the price if you preorder now using the code PREORDER25.
But be quick – the offer only runs through April 28!
More News
The small format paperback of The Three Lives of Alix St Pierre has just been released! This will make the perfect Mother’s Day present. We always publish a smaller edition paperback about six months after the initial publication of a book so it’s exactly the same story, just in a smaller size - and a smaller price too! You can get yours at Dymocks, Booktopia and all good bookshops.
Book Recommendations
I’ve just finished Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin and I need to debrief. I have a lot of complicated feelings about it! Who else has read it? Let me know in the comments!
That’s it for this month! Please jump into the comments with any questions, book recommendations, notes – anything! Don’t forget you can also join me on Notes where I plan to start spending a bit more time in the future and post more regular updates. In the meantime, have a very Bijoux week!
I'm glad Natasha!! I first thought of this in reference to my army background during the "Vietnam era." As I reflected upon winners of our VC, I noted all personnel were terribly vulnerable when they were recommended for the award - soldiers don't win a bravery award for hiding behind a tree! They trusted their vulnerability for a higher purpose. I think we all do that, in varying degrees, when we are called upon to serve, perform, commit, publish, etc.
Peter
Thank you so much for sharing! I think people feel an inexplicably good, important feeling when someone opens up and they realize they can relate. I think it's a very human need to know that someone relates to you, understands you, is listening to you. Thank you for sharing.
On that note, I can relate to being a perfectionist! I did not even realize this word applies to me until one day about five to seven years ago WHILE I was thinking about my book/editing. I think it does help we perfectionists - and maybe everyone? - to have pep talks with ourselves, like the pep talk you shared about the value of the writing in one's first novel, and how we can appreciate that.
Congratulations on all your writing and that sounds like a great, relaxing vacation!